lyrics for new album unleashed

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man with guitar

UNNAMED ALBUM launch April 7th 2016:
Spandex Boy
Young Girls
Just Like School
Cat Food Fairy
Well Up For It
Slug
Sandwich Sex
No Time For a Crap
Wax
How Long
Despite Everything
Scrotum
Hedgehog
Nobody Else Will Do It
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Spandex Boy
Your nose points to the door
and your belly floats into the sky
you may not get your power from the lord
but you’ve got to get it from some place
spandex boy
you’re no superhero you just try to cope
and you’ve got the solution you’re going to do an Elvis get constipated and still get a buzz
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Young Girls
young girls enjoying each other on a night out (night out)
young girls fighting each other on a night out (night out)
sturdy birds said the paramedics drunk as a lord (drunk as a lord)
singing oy oy oy oy oy oy
Well sometimes friends just get in the way
Singing oy oy oy oy oy oy
Sometimes friends just get in the way
Get in the way get in the way of a blade
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Just Like School
with the jaws music ringing in our ears we enter the humour free zone
in the luggage scan lottery it’s a terminal problem
a great jumble sale of people giving up contraband bottles and pencils
whilst trying to keep away from psychos
And not to make jokes about scarves and beards and fertilisers it’s just like school
when the pressure of the giggles makes you explode
it’s just like school just like school
trying to keep away from psychos
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Cat Food Fairy
we’re both pretending we can’t hear the screaming next door
it’s his turn to get out of bed again and stuff food in their little faces
he shouts where is the fucking cat food she says well the cat food fairy hasn’t been
ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
don’t want to be a cat food fairy
She says she’d love to be a man and still believe in magic
ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
what are we going to do with the rest of our lives
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Well Up For It
you complain about farmers with your mouth full of meat
in your romper suit and your cuckoo head
going to hospital is like a poor man’s holiday
waiting to get prodded and poked
yeah you’re well up for it
I’m here she’s here but where are you?
We were supposed to be having a threesome
Now you’re here I’m here she’s here so we’ll go ahead then
(as you’re clearly well up for it)
John’s a real loner he doesn’t even have imaginary friends
But a single clap fart from a plastic woman with dead eyes and he’s well up for it
You brush her dead head with your penis wishing it could be just like the good old days but
with her now face down not moving and rotting there you’re kind of put off
but what the hell
you’re well up for it
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Slug
My daughter overhead me the other day say bloody slug
So she told the whole nursery so I had to reply
A bloody slug is a slug that’s bleeding
A bloody slug is a slug that’s bleeding
Four kings were in their counting house counting out their money when she hit me really hard
A bloody slug is a slug that’s bleeding
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Sandwich Sex
Sex and sandwiches that’s all your good for
Sometimes sandwiches and sex it’s hungry work
But best of all there’s sandwich sex
Is it like menage a trois?
There were three in the bed and the little one said roll over roll over
So they all rolled over and one fell out and crushed his genitals
to dust
do do do do do
do do do do do
sandwich sex i’ve concluded is a bit dangerous
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No Time For A Crap
No I haven’t got time to build a fanbase
I haven’t good time for a silent crap in the dark
I had a ham roast and got an unrelated back injury whilst watching two fat ladies in tight fitting shorts struggle up a hill
The struggle is complete when I can’t even get my shorts on but I can still
sprint up a hill
One time I wanted my friend to sympathise so I told him I would die if I didn’t get another pig’s heart transplant
No I haven’t got time to go to my doctor I haven’t go time like every man says
maybe after I’m dead
After thanking you in that thank you card I’ll think I’ll never get another present again
please don’t get me a vibrator for Christmas please don’t I got one last year and the end has twisted off
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Wax
Nothing is safe around here
with shopping trolleys and burnt out bums
Hoes Joes and nosey moes
ain’t my idea of a holiday
in the future the robots will medicate your parents and love your pets
sympathise with you and take your children away on a day trip
And I miss you like Icarus
misses the sun and the sea and the wax
You’re 87 and you know what you want
why do you want to be an astronaut
it’s a free bar all day long
he’ll stay there till he wets himself
well I don’t care about my future because it’s too late too late for me
And I miss you like Icarus
misses the sun and the sea and the wax
there’s something going on round here
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How Long
How long can you carry on listening to your friend repeat the same old crap without eventually vomiting on them
How many more pointless funerals
Can you sit through
when you never loved them
When they were alive
He was some kind of crazy now butt naked and coming at me
taken too much nutmeg now he’s dancing around like elvis
having sex with a watermelon then falling out through the window
how long ? how long can you carry on
looking after your dad
how many more pointless funerals can you sit through when you never loved him enough when he was alive
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Despite Everything
if winning isn’t everything then why do you keep score
is this all is this end of the battle with boxes and numbers
waiting for the day you retire and do what you want to do except it’s too late
nobody knows what they’re doing despite everything we collect
you won’t be buried with it
no one will give a shit
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Scrotum
I sat there scratching the itch on the scar on my scrotum
Feeling sick but getting kind of horny
Some kind of Darwin throwback mechanism
I sat there
Scratching the itch on the scar on my scrotum
And yr thinking why has he got a scar on his scrotum
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Hedgehog
I stole some money off myself
Then slipped out to the pastry shop for savoury
I said I want savoury
I said wow guiness flavoured crisps
they said yeah last week we had a hedgehog
I heard them say they fucked a hedgehog
I ‘ve had too much tramadol I think too much tramadol I think
I think they must have said they cut the edge off the pie
cut the edge off cut the hedge off ut the hedgehog fucked a hedgehog!

Nobody Else Will Do It
licking the stains off my jumper because nobody else will do it
listening to the creaking of my body and slightly enjoying it
because nobody else will
Nobody else nobody else nobody else will lick the stains off my jumper
Nobody else nobody else will listen to the creaking of my body and enjoy it
Nobody else will do it Nobody else will